This Is Who You Are: A Sonadow Story
by Beth Hedgehog
Summary: When Shadow is led to believe that he is nothing more than an experiment gone wrong, he is racked with despair and self-hatred. But will Sonic be able to make him feel better? (Based on the sad ending of the Shadow the Hedgehog PlayStation 2 game, but with Sonic accompanying Shadow rather than Vector. May be triggering for some people - contains mention of suicide.)


Sonic watches as Shadow stands with the chaos emeralds floating around him, anxious for them to tell him who he apparently is. In Sonic's opinion, Shadow doesn't need the chaos emeralds to tell him who he is – after all he has gone through to collect the chaos emeralds and defeat Black Doom, Sonic believes that Shadow should already know who he is, but Sonic understands how important this moment is for Shadow, so he keeps quiet. Shadow has been waiting ages for this moment; for the chaos emeralds to reveal his forgotten past.

_Shadow has always been so insecure,_ Sonic thinks to himself. _He never seems to know who he is..._

Sonic suppresses a sigh. After all Shadow has been through, it is understandable for him to feel the way he does, despite the fact that Sonic thinks Shadow is amazing.

_If only he could see himself the way I see him_.

When Sonic glances towards Shadow again, Shadow seems to be in deep concentration – he must be finding out about his past now, Sonic assumes. Then Shadow gasps, before looking to the floor in despair. Sonic frowns. Why does Shadow look so miserable? Surely, he should be happy right now.

"Shadow?" Sonic asks, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I am Shadow the Hedgehog," Shadow announces, ignoring Sonic's concern. Sonic's mind fills with confusion – Shadow said that as though he was reciting it rather than saying it normally, but the misery is very noticeable in his voice.

"Are you okay?" Sonic asks again, moving closer to Shadow, but Shadow refuses to look him in the eye.

"A research experiment... gone deadly wrong," Shadow continues morosely, his eyes looking distant and withdrawn, but the pain inside of them is still obvious.

"Shadow, that's not true!" Sonic protests, trying to grab Shadow's arm, but Shadow moves away from him. Sonic feels a stab of pain in his hurt at what Shadow has just said. How can Shadow think that about himself?

"I've caused so much destruction," Shadow mutters, his voice a drone of sadness and self-hatred as he ignores Sonic's desperate pleas that he is not what he says he is. "I should never have been created... This is who I am."

Sonic feels that feels that stab of pain again, but it's more intense this time – the thought of Shadow hating himself this much hurts Sonic so badly.

"Shadow, wait a minute," Sonic says. "You don't honestly think that's true, do you?"

"You know it's true, Sonic," Shadow sighs emotionlessly. "There's no point denying it."

When Sonic looks more closely at Shadow, he sees that Shadow's eyes have filled up with tears, a sight that makes Sonic want to cry himself.

"It's all lies, Shadow," Sonic says firmly, trying to pull Shadow towards him.

"Leave me alone," Shadow mutters, pushing Sonic away dashing off. Sonic stands there for a moment, stunned at the awful, completely wrong things that Shadow has just said. He thinks about how beautiful Shadow is to him; thinks about the feelings he has for Shadow that he has never dared to tell him about. How could anyone think that Shadow was an experiment gone wrong, who should never have been created? And while he acknowledges that Shadow has done some bad things that he is not proud of, Sonic thinks he probably would have behaved in a similar way if he had been forced to endure the trauma that Shadow has endured. Besides, Shadow has more than made up for his past mistakes with his various heroic acts of bravery and self-sacrifice.

_Poor Shadow, _Sonic thinks, sighing as his mind is taken over with sympathy for Shadow. _He's never been happy and now, after all of this, he is even more miserable than he was before. If only I could give him the happiness he truly deserves._

Sonic wonders where Shadow could have gone, but then the realisation hits him like a bolt of lightning.

"He's going to kill himself!" Sonic gasps in terror. "I have to stop him!"

Without wasting a moment, Sonic dashes off to find Shadow, desperately hoping to will get there before it is too late.

When Shadow arrives at the top of the huge hill, he lies down and weeps, allowing himself to be consumed by the depression and self-hatred that relentlessly surges through him. He thinks of how disgusting and worthless he considers himself; regretting all of his evil, destructive acts and desperately wishing he could be something better. Anger at himself builds up inside of him for crying, but this just makes him cry harder as he asks himself why someone would even think of creating something as fucked up as him.

_I hate myself, _his mind seems to be chanting to him. _I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I fucking hate myself!_

Eyes blurred with tears, Shadow gazes at the view from the hill, before looking down. He prepares himself to jump off the hill; to plunge himself into the darkness and the nothingness, the place Shadow feels he belongs.

"Stop!" A desperate cry jolts Shadow's mind and he angrily swings his head around to see who has decided to disturb him.

It's Sonic.

"What are you doing here?" Shadow grunts, scowling.

"I'm stopping you from jumping off this hill – that's what I'm doing here," Sonic announces, his voice firm and a lot more confident than how he actually feels.

"Who said I was jumping?" Shadow argues.

"It was pretty obvious from the way you were crying and staring at the bottom," Sonic says.

"Whatever," Shadow growls, both angry and embarrassed that Sonic saw him crying. He wipes his eyes. "So what if I am jumping, anyway? Who cares?"

"I care!" Sonic shouts, his eyes beginning to fill with tears.

"No, you don't," Shadow says. "You'll never have to deal with me again."

"I do care!" Sonic protests, tears streaming down his face now. "Please don't do it!"

"Why would you even care?" Shadow asks. "You're the charismatic, amazing hero who everyone loves. Why would you care about a worthless piece of shit like me?"

Jealousy rushes through Shadow as he says that. Whilst Shadow seems to be despised by most people, even by himself, everyone who isn't evil seems to love Sonic. And, Shadow thinks, why wouldn't they? Shadow wishes he could be like Sonic, even though he would never be willing to admit that out loud. But then another thought enters Shadow's mind; a thought he has always pushed away – he wishes he could be good enough for Sonic. The butterflies he always seems to feel around Sonic return for a moment.

"You want to know why I care?" Sonic asks, now starting to look nervous. Feeling defeated, Shadow nods. Sonic takes a deep breath, preparing to expose his biggest secret to Shadow.

"I... love you Shadow," Sonic admits, blushing. Shadow stands there, stunned, not knowing what to say. He feels like it can't be true – why would someone like Sonic love someone like him?

"You're lying, aren't you?" Shadow says, sighing to himself.

"No, I'm not lying!" Sonic cries, embarrassment filling him. Taking advantage of Shadow's shock, Sonic grabs his hand and drags him away from the hill until they are lower ground.

"I know you don't love me, but please just come with me," Sonic pleads, his voice faltering. "Please don't kill yourself."

"I won't kill myself," Shadow says. Sonic breathes a sigh of pure relief.

"But Sonic," Shadow says, bursting into tears again. "I do love you. I just couldn't believe that you would ever love me back."

Sonic pulls Shadow into a warm, comforting embracing before passionately kissing him, the two of them wanting to never let go of each other. After a while, they lie side-by-side on the grass, breathing deeply and holding hands.

"I love you, Shadow," Sonic sighs, smiling. "And you're not a worthless piece of shit. Or any of those other things you said you were. You're not defined by the lies those emeralds told you."

"So who am I, then?" Shadow asks, his facial expression becoming confused.

"Where do I even start?" Sonic laughs. "You're amazing, brave, selfless, clever, funny and you're even kind when you want to be. And loving, if you look beyond the tough front you put on. You've done so many amazing things to save people and have risked your life many times – I don't think even I could have done some of the things you have done. You're a savoir. And you're the ultimate life form."

"Fuck off," Shadow jokingly says in response to being referred to as the ultimate life form. The two of them giggle, gazing happily into each other's eyes.

Sonic sits up, stroking Shadow's face and looking him right in the eyes to ensure that Shadow pays attention to what he is about to say.

"The most important thing is, though," Sonic begins. "You are the one I love."

Sonic gives Shadow another kiss before stroking his face and gazing into his eyes again.

"Shadow the Hedgehog," Sonic sighs. "This is who you are."


End file.
